Thinking ahead
by Sheltie-chan
Summary: When to live is more painful than to die... TemaShika
1. Temari

**Thinking ahead **

_Authoress' notes: dedication as thank to Karuka Ikashi (for her fic 'Somewhere to belong'; remember me!), Selandora (NER and 'The question...'; sorry, I know you like ShikaIno pairing, but this fic is mine ), AnimeSenko ('Worlds apart', 'First love' - update! and 'Fate...'), FastForward ('Pyromaniac') and at most to Annwyd for her 'Knife edge', which made me search for any tragedy fics, although KE is still the best one I ever read. Also thank my reviewers for 'So why', hope you don't mind this fic is Naruto, not Hakusho._

_Warning: My first Naruto fic. I tried few times before, but only this one actually appeared to be written..._

_Disclaimer: Must it be? I didn't write any before... well, I dun' own Shikamaru nor Temari. It's enough for this chappie :P _

**Part one: Temari **

„When are you going to come back to Suna?" asked bored voice of Nara Shikamaru.

„Maybe tomorrow I guess..." smirked the girl, only to annoy him.

„You girls are so troublesome... Didn't you have to leave tonight?" he knew she′s pulling his leg, but whatever. _Oh no, probably..._

„Yeah, but I decided to stay a lil' longer. Can I spend this night at yours? You know, it would be better than in some hotel, besides my rent is gone," _I know, he's thinking ahead as ever, so he didn't ask where I am going to stay only 'cause he know he would have to offer me help... now he can't reject. He is fair enough. _

„Whatever..." ..._oh geez, what am I doing? This is gonna kill me... **I** am gonna kill myself... it's suicide to spend a night in one house together with this troublesome girl and I agreed already... why aren't you thinkin' ahead, darn Shikamaru!_

„Oh, what are we? Talking to ourselves? How cute...," she nagged. He passed her note without reaction, yet continued.

„I hope you'll let me sleep at least 'coz I got that troublesome mission to escort you back to your country... I need a rest before it. So let's go, move your ass," ordered he.

„Don't insult my little ass or you'll regret it." she joked. He never answered, just stood up, paid the ramen, then shoved his hands into pockets and started to walk away slowly. _Geez, girls... why can't they pay for food by themselves? Troublesome, am I gonna feed her or what?_

_Ano, this was **our** first night... geez, we were only sixteen or so... sweet memories... now we are glad if we can see each other for once a month. Relationship between Konoha and Suna isn't as good as it can be nor as it was decades ago, and Otogakure is still growing stronger. If I only could end this troublesome situation that is so near to finish up in a war... Honestly, I don't want to fight... I never didn't. All I want is to settle and have children and wife that won't command me around... or crap like this, but it must be something peaceful. I wanna be able to play chess and shogi and to watch clouds, that are freely sailing on the sky forever. But like said Sasuke when he was only little genin; 'the future is not where my dream is'... I think as long as we will live this sentence is going to be true, no matter how painful the fact will be._

_Authoress' notes II.: I know that chap doesn't rock anyone's socks, but hope you like it. It's really like me to be so angsty, sorry... But it's only 'prologue' and for next one I'm planning to add some action. And excuse my English, if you have found any mistakes, please let me know. Anyways, R'n'R (not Rock'n'Roll ;P) pleaaase!  
written: 23. September 2006_

_Sheltie_

_P. S.: I'm gonna update when I get at least **10 reviews!** I have the whole story written already, though!_


	2. Shikamaru

**Thinking ahead**

_P. S.: O. K., I gave up with reviews. It was only prologue at all._

**Part two: Shikamaru**

_Authoress' notes: Well, adding Okami and ... to previous dedication. Uhm... and it's my first action stuff in English. Don't flame me._

_Disclaimer: I dun own any original Naruto character, only my ANBU Haruka :P_

**Shikamaru POV**

It has been a while since we stood there out of our battle stance, both of us drained of chakra off, yet still ready for facing enemies. All the trees in about one kilometer radius were cut down by Kamaitachi, so we could see anything suspicious. There were few of Sound nins left though and we didn't know where they were and actaully didn't **want** to know.

But there he - one of them - came, and although we were sure we are ready, we weren't. He appeared right behind Temari, shlashing her side with his katana, the oldest of all troublesome weapons. She shrieked while knocking him out with simple kunai, but started bleeding intensively. I was watching her, paralyzed with fear and not registering **my own** enemy that managed to stalk behind me. Or he was thinking so, cuz he had time for thinkin' since he was binded in my Kagemane already. I turned around smirking just to find only air... and being smacked to the back of my head so I don't remember anything that happened later. It must had been some sort of Bunshin...

_It hurts._ That was my very first thought when I woke up. I didn't open my eyes though, since I could listen **her** crying and I wanted to know why. _Why is she crying? Because of me...?_

„SHIKAMARU! Don't leave me...!" _She cries like I'm dying... but am I not? _Her tears were soaking my cheeks while her blood was soaking my chuunin vest... She was leaning over me, hugging me around my neck.

„Temari... don-'t c-cry..." soon I found out that I wasn't very able to speak. The pain was blurring my vision and other senses, so I didn't have to face it.

„Shikamaru! You are awake!" _Oh, only **that** will hurt... _I prepared myself for slap that never came.

„You know, Shikamaru... you're in awful condition... but you **mustn't** give up. I'm gonna quickly explain you our situation." She hardly tried to sound as sharp as ever. I slightly nodded and tried to straighten myself, but she yelled: „NO! You want to kill yourself! Stay still... Don't make your wounds worsen... _Please._

Well -though it isn't well-, you are badly hurt. So am I. I can heal you. You can't heal me. You're going to be fine, because I'll save you. You're gonna live, **I'm gonna die.**" I panted. _Is she insane or what!_

„NEVER! Temari, never say that again! **I** won't let you die!"

„SHUT UP! I made my decision! If it's not you, it's me neither, because I won't live without you! I can't!" When tears started roll down her cheeks again, just then I started to think.

_She wants to die. To die for me. Am I about to let her or not? It isn't as egoistic idea as it might seem to be... I know how it feels to be left alone, when somebody died for your sake. She doesn't. Chouji, my best friend and Ino, our kunoichi were now dead, so I knew. Besides that, her brothers are still alive, protecting her and wanting her to live... **needing** her to live... and so am I._

_I love her, so it's going to be unbearable for me when she dies._

_She loves me, ...ehm, or I do think **and** hope that... so it's gonna be unbearable for her to live on when I am dead._

_But I love her more than I love myself,_ I added bitterly. _And girls are so much troublesome... because they are stubborn. So I'm not gonna let her know that she is **really** going to die, though she is._

„You know, Shika-chan... I'm gonna heal you... You. Must. Live. On." she said weakly, yet strictly as I felt her chakra continuosly flowing into my body for a while already. Unlike in the Fire country, each Sand ninja have learnt some medical jutsus in academy. It was a need.

„Shikamaru..." now she whispered, not having a strenght for more, caressing my cheek.

„I love you... You must... inform Hokage and... and my brother about..."

„I know my duty, now don't be afraid... everything is fine... I love you, too..." I kissed her lips one last time, before adding: „Now **you** are looking like crybaby... Please don't, Temari. Smile for me..." I assured her as she smiled. She died with this calm and beautiful smile on her lips.

I stayed alone, again. How many people it was, who died for me already? But it didn't matter how many were them, but how close they really were to you. And for me, they were the closest. _Temari, I let you die because I didn't want you to suffer... You don't know how it is, when your closest person is gone because of you... I didn't want you to live with such a burden on your shoulders... **To live is now more painful then to die.**_

_Authoress' notes II.: Blah, it is sticky like soaked lollipop! I didn't want thaaat! Help! Or at least review, please!_

_Sheltie_


	3. What left

**Thinking ahead**

**Part three: What left**

_Authoress' notes: For you to know why: this fic had to have been the oppositum to the fics like 'I will die for you! I'm your hero!', because during reading 'Somewhere to belong' I realized exactly what Shikamaru and there Iruka said: 'Life is more painful then death.' Thank you all._

_Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Shikamaru, cuz he is forever possessed by Temari. And I don't own Temari, cuz she is dead already in this fic._

**One month later**

Shikamaru laid there, on the meadow near Konoha, watching clouds and thinking. Thinking about what had happened and what have left him.

_Was it even worth it? I'm a coward... To think that I will become a hero because I thought that is more painful... Baka. I didn't have to let her die. Her brothers nearly killed me, although I haven't said them the whole truth... and I won't tell them..._

_How troublesome. I let her die, thinking that I'm the one who's right... But not **she** have chosen the easier path... **I** was afraid of death. She wasn't. **She** is a hero._

_I told her she is a crybaby... But it's not **her**, who now lies in grass crying... She cried only when she had a good reason... **I** have ever been the one, who you can call 'crybaby'. Never she. **She** was strong._

_And finally, it was **her**, who had a family! Dammit! Now I haven't anyone, anyone... She would have her brothers or other girls to offer her a shoulder to cry on... And she would pick up the pieces of her maybe shattered heart and end up as strong as she had ever been. Maybe she would have even found a new boyfriend for herself... And have a new family, **her** own family... And again; **I** am the one who scattered all these dreams of happiness... Only because **she** was strong while **I** was weak back then..._

„NOOO! I didn't want it to end up this way, Temari... Please, forgive me..." he sobbed as he sat up. „K'so! K'SOOO!"

And you know, there wasn't anyone to help him... to calm him down... to wipe away his tears... And why? Because he thought that he **is** going to be able to stand through all this suffering... this regret... this insecurity... And again: why? Because he **was** right after all. He knew it, yet he can't believe it now. Life definitely **was** the hardest way to go. But if he would have to, he would have decided the same way again. His girlfriend didn't deserve all that sorrow. He neither though, but she have to be thankful for a good boy she had found. After all, he **was** a gentleman like this. Like 'don't **ever** make your Love suffer'.

**The End**

_Authoress' notes II.: I'm sorry for it to be so short, but you maybe don't mind... Perhaps you're all like: 'Oh dude, here's finally the end! Hurray!' But I hope you're not... oh, my freakin' complexes..._

_Btw: My sister is still mockin' me for my ill throat. I don't deserve that._

_And at last - chapters. First is named as 'Temari', 'cause Temari is the one who is 'Thinking ahead'. Second is named 'Shikamaru' then and the last - I bet you do understand._

_Please leave me your review. Love you,_

_Sheltie_

_P. S.:__ Thanks for at least **3** reviews... --_  
_P. S. II.:__ And you know what? My critical sis said it is very good, so I don't mind anymore though I feel insulted by you...  
P. S. III.: I still love you! Bye for now!  
_


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